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How to Help Your Teen Be the Hero of Their Own Story

My son has a rare disease called Usher Syndrome - he is gradually going deaf and blind - it’s been hard to see his hearing and his eyesight decline in his adolescence, and he’s been struggling socially, since friendships with his friends from younger years have shifted as he’s entered high school, he doesn’t feel like he can keep up in normal conversations, how fast paced they are, he often has to ask people to repeat themselves.

And I’m giving some context here because he’s found online gaming as a fun way to use his headphones and talk and laugh and hear everything people say. Plus he’s good at it.

I spend a lot of time actively praying for my children and asking and listening for guidance. I’ve talked about prayer on the podcast before, but with Joseph, I knew I needed to let Joseph keep his love of video games, but guide him, but not be too controlling about it. And it went against everything I had previously thought about video games. I have a lot of negative bias toward them...

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Making Room for Grace

Making room for grace, the concept I’m teaching applies to anything you are going after, whether it’s a goal, a dream, or something you want to turn around and make improvements on in your life, something you might be worried about. Making room for grace is a beautiful way to approach the possibility of change for the future. 

So, on to what I want to talk about today, which is about making room for grace. When I make room for grace in my parenting, it’s easier to help my kids own their own results versus trying to control my kids because I’m worried about their choices. And this is something I have been thinking about for a LONG time, especially because I think I’ve told you before, I have some head-strong kids. So I had to learn early on how to enjoy parenting more. It all felt so out of my control. I didn’t like how that felt when my kids were little. I felt at the mercy of their choices. If they made good choices, then life was peaceful and wonderful. If they made bad choices l...

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How to Talk with Kids About World Events

 

Let’s talk about what is going on in the world from a bigger standpoint, and how to talk to our kids about tricky things.

 

This last week, it’s May of 2022 at the time of this recording, a tragedy occurred in Texas, another school shooting. And it hurts my heart so much to think of the families affected, the parents, the friends of the children, the community, and how to talk to our kids about these kinds of things. I want to give you some practical tips you can apply, and if you aren’t on my email newsletter, go to my website, danielle vaughn coaching dot com, and sign up so you can receive the printables and the scripts and PDF’s I share with my subscribers. I try to pack my emails with usable tools you can apply - - I’m really intentional about that. 

 

My goal is to give you some strategies, even some question prompts and scripts  to work through with your kids to help them build some resilience skills and distress tolerance, and some connection with you when they are f...

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What to Say When you Don't Know What to Say

 

Have you ever wondered, when you see another person upset, “what the heck do I say right now?” or “this is so awkward!” Do you wonder how to draw a quiet, withdrawn teenager out of their shell and get them to talk to you more, to open up to you if there’s distance in the relationship? Do you wonder “why doesn't my child listen to me?”

When your partner is upset or hurting - and you want to help but you’re so worried about the problem you don’t even know what to say and everything you DO say seems to be the wrong thing? 

Or what about when your spouse is having a hard time, say it’s a problem at work, and you know the solution, but the more you offer suggestions, the more frustrating the conversation becomes? 

The #1 reason even the most “well-intended” conversations can fall flat - and it has to do with the role we are taking on in the moment we are witnessing a loved one having a hard time.

We take on one of two roles:  Are we being a Fixer or a Trust Builder? Oftentimes,  ...

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Goals with Heart

We have a sense deep inside that we are capable of more. It can feel exciting and overwhelming. And the truth is, we will never in this lifetime reach our full capacity. So there’s always a gap between our current abilities, or where we see room for improvement, there will always be a gap. 

So how do we bridge that gap in a way that feels fun instead of futile, like you’re endlessly chasing a moving target?

We will only know how by choosing to take the next step we see in front of us, by choosing to engage, trying new things and setting bigger goals and believing that growth can be fun. 

So you may not even know what I’m talking about with personal growth actually being fun, if you’re anything like I was, I want to say, back in my twenties. I remember being in the thick of my music degree, there was a semester when my music scholarship was hanging by a thread, and I was NOT enjoying my growth goals. All I could see in front of me was the gap. And I was operating in overwhelm at t...

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Three Truths to Escape the Mom Guilt Trap

Every mom I work with has her own version of Mom Guilt, being all too aware of what we wish we did better in parenting.

The goal of this post is to help you Escape the Mom Guilt Trap, and it will be really good for empty-nesters to read.

It’s going to be good for moms of kids of all ages, but some of you have been asking me, are there specific ways I recommend to stop worrying about the things I did wrong as a mom, I know I did the best I could with what I had, but I seem to still feel guilty and what am I supposed to do with that? 

And the reason I say this is a good one is because I actually wrote it specifically with a few friends in mind who are empty nesters, who I have the privilege of coaching, and we’ve cultivated the Three truths I’m sharing with you today. They are powerful truths. And honestly, I wish I would have known them sooner. So I’m excited to share them with you. 

Before I do, I want to make sure that you know that as we near the holidays, if you need the per...

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Growth Mindset Momentum

 

Is it just me or do you ever feel like you have such talented kids but tend to feel a little intimidated by them? 

Today I want to talk to all my moms of talented, intelligent kids. Especially if your child’s talent or intelligence is a little intimidating. And even for those of you that no longer have kids in the home, you don’t need to tune out. This is still going to be very relevant to you. 

 

I love all the people who support parents in their roles. I love anyone that teaches parents how to enjoy it more, and how to help their children thrive. But it’s especially powerful to me when I hear somebody speaking to parents of talented, intelligent kids because I’ve noticed a lot of us as parents these days, we see the light and the intelligence our kids have, and we are amazed by our kids, and we want them to have high self-esteem, but we also can feel a little intimidated with how to help them thrive. Do you relate?  And I want to take it a step further and speak to parents who...

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More Faith; The difference between 'fear' prayers and 'faith' prayers

Do you consider yourself someone who knows how to receive answers to your prayers? And to take it a step further, do you want to teach your children how to build confidence in their ability to pray? Then this post is for you. . .

 

I’ve been teaching my  19 year old son who is on a mission and experienced a lot of illness. My daughter who is away at college in a very competitive music Arts program. And my youngest son who is figuring out how to plan his future, he’s a junior in high school and he has a difficult health diagnosis. 

 

And I’m serious here. I want my kids to know how to pray in a way that accesses the powers of heaven. I believe the powers of heaven are real, and that we’ve been given everything we need to access those powers, if we have the faith to do so. 

 

I also believe that God is bound to answer a prayer of faith, that God operates through spiritual laws that are scientific principles that govern the Universe. If he doesn’t operate within those laws, then...

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Vacationing in Iceland with Kids

Our family recently visited Iceland for our 30 year wedding anniversary and it felt like a dream come true. I could not have wished for a more dreamy vacation. Many of you wanted to know more of the details, so I am happy to share them with you, but there are a few things you should know:

  • I have older kids (16, 19, 22) who are athletic and adventurous and love all things geeky science, (my daughter wanted to be a paleontologist/geologist/ninja/cowgirl when she was little) so that is how we plan our activities, based on their interests. I know this isn't for everyone.
  • We are not big spenders. We are conscious of the cost of things like flights / hotels / restaurants / shopping, but on vacations we do splurge on good food and comfortable bedrooms / bathrooms for everyone. This isn't the cheapest way to do Iceland. . . but somewhere in the middle.
  • Everything in Iceland is dependent on the time of year and the temperature. We went in the summer (August) which only gets up to 55 degree
  • ...
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Motivation : It Doesn't Work the Way You Think

 

 The Quest for Motivation - story of Ghengis Khan

 

I want to start with a quick story: Do you remember learning about Ghengis Khan in school? Yeah, me neither. I actually learned about him when I taught my kids in our homeschool, and I was intrigued by him. 

 

I would consider him a human with high motivation. In Mongolia, they have a word that describes creative passion. The word is Temul, and it comes from the root of the name, Temujin - who is also known as Ghenghis Khan. Temujin and Ghengis Khan are the same person. The word Temul has a poetic translation in Mongolian culture, they describe it as “the look in the eye of a horse that is racing where it wants to go, no matter what the rider wants.”

 

I love that description. I’ve seen that look in a horse’s eye before. It’s a little scary, honestly. Because there is NOTHING that is going to deter that horse from its path. Sometimes a fear will spook the horse into Temul and sometimes, the horse experiences a sensory stim...

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