Have you ever wondered, when you see another person upset, “what the heck do I say right now?” or “this is so awkward!” Do you wonder how to draw a quiet, withdrawn teenager out of their shell and get them to talk to you more, to open up to you if there’s distance in the relationship? Do you wonder “why doesn't my child listen to me?”

When your partner is upset or hurting - and you want to help but you’re so worried about the problem you don’t even know what to say and everything you DO say seems to be the wrong thing? 

Or what about when your spouse is having a hard time, say it’s a problem at work, and you know the solution, but the more you offer suggestions, the more frustrating the conversation becomes? 

The #1 reason even the most “well-intended” conversations can fall flat - and it has to do with the role we are taking on in the moment we are witnessing a loved one having a hard time.

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Friends,

Do you wish you could connect with your teens more?  Do you feel like your children can come to you with any problem?

I think the number one thing I hear from the teens I coach with is how they wish their parents would listen to them when they are upset.

And I get it.

Who wants to listen to a moody teenager?

Besides, it can be scary and what if we say the wrong thing and make things worse?

But I want to offer to you that there is a better way to show up for your teen when they are upset versus talking 'at' them or ignoring them.

NOTE: if you've been coached  before and know that Thoughts create Feelings, DO NOT tell your teen that their feelings are all caused by their thoughts and then go into coaching mode. Coaching is only for people who want to be coached. In family relationships, it is better to talk through their feelings with them and try to understand the source of where the emotion is coming from.

The key to good parenting for teens lies in understanding...

The following is shared with full permission by a very brave mom who I recently coached.

She shared with me how afraid she was of her daughter and the distance they were experiencing in their relationship. She had a completely different vision of how she thought their relationship should be versus the direction it was heading.

She believed her daughter was difficult.

A belief is a thought you keep on thinking.

It's a thought you keep thinking over and over, until it becomes second-nature.

Most of us aren't aware of our beliefs about other people, other than the general feeling that they're lacking in some way or that they are responsible for making us happy.

Our beliefs will determine how we feel about our life. And they will show up in all of our relationships.

This mom wanted support with her belief in being a good mom. She was brave and courageous as she admitted that being a good mom meant "always knowing what to say" when her daughter would "freak out."

She held the belief,...